Keep your eyes and ears forward at all times

My title is bullcrap, you know. At least I know it is. I'm always looking back, learning from mistakes, reminiscing about times past and trying with all my might to forget the things I wish I could change but just can't.

I do that a lot this time of year. Christmas is past and we are on the downhill slope of 2011. So I can't help but think about the things that happened this past year--to learn from, cower from, or enjoy with gay laughter.

I turned 37 this year. Thirty-fucking-seven. As much as I never minded my age, I found my self living in la la land and never accepting the fact that I was in my 30's, let alone my late 30's. But this year, I finally came to terms how old I was. And I'm happily 37 now. I know myself better, I stand up for myself more, and I can now say without cringing, I am thirty-fucking-seven. Suck it!  2011--good.

Me, happily at 37, sporting the "I'm officially in my late 30's still trying to look cool" sunglasses.

My daughter turned 7 this year. Seven. Of course her attitude and mind-set makes her about 16. My daughter is unbelievably smart, extremely clever, has the biggest imagination I've ever encountered in any child, and has so much sass the word diva doesn't quite encapsulate it. She rolls her eyes, sighs loudly and even begun with the sarcasm. I scold her for doing something bad and I get the stink eye, the pursed lips and while she is still looking at me, does that thing I told her to stop doing one more time. And I believe this is just the beginning. 2011--bad.

She thinks she's a princess everyday and should be treated as such.

My son turned 5 this year. Of course because he has such a strong-minded sister he has taken the other, less mature road and decided to whine about everything. He thinks crying about it--what ever it is--will make things go his way. But I dare not say he's totally immature for a 5 year old. He's pretty smart too because if he's crying and I scold him, he stops, looks at me with that sweet "I can do nothing wrong" smile and says "I'm sorry, Mommy." He knows it works because I have allowed it to work. And he knows he got away with it again. He's learning how to manipulate me and doing a great job of it, I just need to try and stay one step ahead of him. 2011--it's a push.

Slays me completely. How can I stay mad at this face?

This year was also the year of the horrific Florida trip. Horrific, as in half horrible, half terrific. I mean, it's Florida for crying out loud, how can I not call that terrific? But scenery and beautiful weather aside is was riddled with in-law bullshit, prejudicial assholes and the realization that I desperately need to do something with my body if I ever want to put on another bathing suit. I swear to you, I was a whale. The dolphins wanted to swim with me, krill ran away from me and I actually understood what Dory was saying in "Finding Nemo"

Since then, I've lost some weight--not a lot but enough to motivate me to lose more. I joined a gym, I fight every week for time at the gym but at least I'm doing it. So, 2011--I'm going to say push.

I saw Maroon 5 in concert this year. Yes, I was within feet from my Adam Levine. Yes... mine. I know he's dating that gorgeous supermodel and he's probably completely head over heels in love with her but that's ok. He just hasn't met me yet, that is all. Uh, hum....  Anyway, this year my best friend and I coined a term to talk about him without saying his name because people (read: husbands) will judge us if we talk about him. He's our peacock. And if you know anything about peacocks... well... I'm sorry Adam... you are a peacock.

PEACOCK!

This year I also met another musical artist whom I've developed an extreme obsession over as well--Matt Nathanson. I think he's wonderful. I think he's a lyrical genius. I think he is funny as hell. Funny how you can listen to someone for a few years and not really get it. I got it this year and I'm thinking I'm not the only one. He's starting to get the recognition he deserves.  So for 2011 and music (i.e. extremely talented, extremely hot guys)--GOOD.

Matty Nay, as I like to call him. GET THIS ALBUM. Trust me, it's awesome. *sigh*

Lastly this deserves it's own paragraph. If you've read me in the past, you know that I do love the show "Friends." I quote it often, almost too often but I can't help it. It's my all time favorite show. For the past 3 years--maybe more--I have asked for the "Friends" series on DVD--the whole series--for Christmas. And every year, either my request went unheard or was disregarded completely because I neglected to get the series. But this year I was adamant about getting it to the point that it became an argument between my husband and I. It went something like this:

Hubs: What do you want for Christmas this year?
Me: Friends
Hubs: You have friends.
Me: No [insert eye roll and under the breath--dumb ass] the tv show Friends.

Silence.

Hubs: So I was thinking about getting you jewelry, what do you want? A necklace or some earrings?
Me: I don't want jewelry. I want Friends.
Hubs: What about that dragonfly pendant? You liked that.
Me: I liked it because it was gaudy and extremely ugly. When I say "Oh my god, that is so awesome" at something so obviously hideous, please refer to the fact that you've known me for 10 years and know that I find novelty in extremely ugly jewelry.
Hubs: So you don't want it?
Me: [sigh] No. I want Friends. Can you just get me what I want?
Hubs. But I want to get you jewelry.
Me: Ok fine. Then I want to get you a pair of ladies, size 9 1/2 Dr. Marten Josie Slouch Tall boots in grey.
Hubs: What are you talking about?
Me: Well, if you are buying me something you want to buy, then I'm going to buy you something I want to buy.
Hubs: Come on, you know what I mean. I won't wear those boots, obviously.
Me: Exactly. I won't wear that dragonfly pendant because it's too fucking ugly. Obviously. Just get me Friends.
Hubs: What the fuck is wrong with you? God! I just wanted to buy my wife jewelry for Christmas. I'm trying to be nice for once.
Me: It would be nice if you actually got me what I wanted. Friends.

OK, so I may have taken literary liberties there but you get the point. And those liberties are very few, let me tell you. And there was probably more swearing. Anyway, after that argument, I stormed upstairs and that night my husband finally did something right... he bought me the Friends complete series on DVD. 2011--GOOD!

So with three goods, two push and one bad, it looks like 2011 is winning. WINNING! You know you said it like I just did...

But now I do need to put my eyes forward and look ahead. I'm going to enter the new year with a few resolutions that I am determined to keep. So much so, I'm writing them down, sending them to cyberdom and hoping that act alone will keep me accountable.

Resolution #1: Couch to 5k  I'm doing it. There is a 5k here on March 18th and that's my goal. I've always wanted to be a runner but I always believed my body didn't allow for running. I've got boobs, you see. Large ones. And it gets uncomfortable to say the least if I run. But now they have wonderful support bras that I have recently purchased so I'm going to give it a try. Maybe by this time next year I'll be a 10k runner, or better.

Resolution #2: Patience. Patience with my kids. Patience with my husband. Patience with the world. You know that song... "If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make that change." I know I can't change the whole world with my own patience, but I can try to change my world. If I don't react badly then maybe the bad things won't happen--or at least get to me as they have before. I'm thinking this one is going to be more difficult then the running because kids and husband aside, there are a lot of stupid people in the world that I get overly angry at. Road rage, store rage, neighbor rage... yea, I got it all because those places are filled to the brim with stupid people! Patience... just a little patience.... (and some deep breaths!)

Resolution #3: Finish my story! Oh my gosh, if I tweak it one more time without finishing it I think I might go crazy! I don't have plans on what to do with the story, maybe I'll send it to one of the e-book publishers and see what I get but for now, it just needs to be finished. For crying out loud, woman! Finish it!

Bring it, 2012... I am ready for you!