Mean Bitch... At least I think she is...

School starts next month and I can't freakin' wait! My kids have driven me to the edge, and I'm thinking about jumping just to end it all. Of course my luck, there's a small ledge underneath that I would land on--hard enough to severely injure myself but not hard enough to end it all because that's just how my life is--and my daughter would be there. "Mom, can I tell you something? You shouldn't have jumped. Why did you do that? Weren't you scared? I bet your feet really hurt now. Do you have a headache? Can I go play outside?" Then my son would come up and spank me on the butt. Yep... that's my life.

So, yea, school starts next month. And I'm looking forward to getting the kids out the house and have them interact with others. But with the new school year comes other kids' parents. I can't wait for that elusive 2pm time when I roll into the school parking lot with 300 other parents and wait for the bell to ring so we can reluctantly retrieve our kids. Yes, I'm being sarcastic. My kids' school is weird, although maybe it's not that weird and every other school is like this but I've never seen it done this way:

I park in the parking lot with the 300 other parents and stroll to the front of the school. Then we all wait around for the bell to ring at which we all file inside to our childrens' classrooms to pick them up.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong but that's weird right? Don't the kids usually leave their classrooms and file out of the school to the waiting parent instead of the other way around? I think the school board wanted to play a cruel joke on all us parents--an experiment of sorts--to force us all to stand around like morons, staring blankly at each other and wait for the other parent who you look at every day at 2pm to say something first. Which they never do. Instead they glare at you with a disgusted look on their face judging you for wearing your pajama bottoms to pick your kid up. (Which I did only one time---one freakin' time and I've been judged as a slob ever since! Geez.)

I'll get to my point about the mean skanky bitches. But here's backstory. Two years ago the husband and I were having a rough time. After an evening of fighting, I had to get the hell out of the house, which I did but soon found there was nothing to do in the podunk town. Well, our podunk down did have a bar. I've never been the type to hang out at a bar by myself but I needed something to do. I found soon that the locals weren't bad people and actually very chatty. I met a 77 year old hippy who talked non-stop about the legalization of marajuana. (Did I spell that right? I sounded it out: MAR-A-JEW-AN-A). I met a 22 year old skater guy who was on probation and shouldn't be at the bar but in his words "Fuck it, what else is there to do in this damn town?" My thoughts exactly skater-boy. Except his hands were permanantly attached to his girlfriends ass, so I thought I was sure there was something else they could be doing and probably would be doing that something the instant they felt intoxicated enough to go do it. Sad, sad little kids.

Then I met a nice guy, my age (I assumed, but never asked). We chatted at the bar while he waited for his drink then asked me to play pool with him. Which I did. We had fun. Then his harem of girls came up and bitched at him for ignoring them and that they were leaving with or without him. He was nice, bid me farewell and left with those girls. But girls will be girls and every one of them gave me the nastiest dirtiest looks. I said, "He's leaving with you, why you looking at me like that?" Of course I might have said when they were out of earshot. But in my mind I got into their faces and said it. Yea, I did. I'm that hardcore.

Summer came to an end and my little guy was starting preschool. I proudly took him to his first day and joyfully left him in his classroom. Of course as I was leaving the school, who should roll up in their pimped out SUV but one of those girls from the bar that night. I recognized her immediately because she had the same nasty look on her face and the same black roots peaking out under the bleached white hair. That's something you don't forget. She looked me up and down, rolled her eyes and took her son into the school. From that day on, the whole school year I got nothing but dirty looks from her and her friends. Not once did she say anything to me. Of course I didn't say anything to her either. I mean, what would I say? "Hey there, bitch. Got a problem?" That's what I wanted to say. Instead I would smile sweetly at her whenever our paths crossed.

The next year, it happened again. There she was, black roots and ugly looks. And if she happened to show up with any of her friends, her friends would join in with the dirty looks. Lucky me! Only this year she decided to take a different route against me. She started flirting with my husband. First, he said something. "One of the moms flirted with me." My curiousity went up. "Oh? Which one?" "She's kind of short, a little pudgy and had white hair with black roots." Soon after that, husband thought it was a game. "I don't know why you don't like her. She's really nice."

I got this mad. Yes, this mad...

So, if she wanted to be that way, fine. FINE! She can. And the totally crappy part of it all, I didn't only see her at the preschool, I saw her at the elementary school too. Because as fate would have it, we have kids the same age. I'm going to be dealing with this girl for my whole children's school life.

To validate things, my neighbor whom is usually with me when we pick up our daughters at the elementary school even noticed her dirty looks. She asked me about it one day I gave her the whole story you just read. "Maybe she's just jealous of you." My neighbor said.

That got me thinking... Not to be totally conceded about it but isn't that usually why most girls bully other girls--because they are jealous? My kids are cuter then hers. She seems to think my husband is cute. My hair is all one color. And her man wanted to play a game of pool with me 2 years ago. Of course she's jealous!

Of course with it being summer I hadn't thought about this mean girl for a while. Out of sight and thankfully out of mind. Then I see her at Safeway the other night. She was with her mom (whom my neighbor and I have named Hip-Hop Grannie because she chooses to wear velour sweat suits with the word "Juicy" across her saggy ass) and they were arguing. She--black roots girl--did not sound happy. She actually sounded really sad. And I felt bad for her. Then last night she was in my dream. We talked out everything between us--and about Adam Levine because it was my dream afterall--and we actually became friends.

So I got thinking. Maybe she isn't a mean skanky bitch. Maybe she's actually a nice girl. Maybe, just maybe, we have a few things in common and if we just ended with the ugly dirty looks, maybe break a smile once in a while we could become friends. Because even though I've judged her on her looks, her clothes and her cars, all of it isn't that bad. I actually like her car--it's a Tahoe. I have an Expedition. We aren't that different. She has worn a few things that I've had to admit were cute, and the girl has a thing for earrings, I can't begrudge her that. Her kids are fairly well behaved (as well as a 4, 5 & 7 yr old can be) which means she can't be that bad of a person.

Maybe I'll take the first step and actually give her a genuine smile on the first day of school. What's the worse that could happen? She could give me a dirty look? Hmph.