Being an adult sucks

Remember when you were a kid, and things where all sunshine and lollipops? (Why did I just type that? Now I'm going to have that stupid song in my head!) Life was considerably less complicated and doing the things that you wanted to do was completely possible.

But then you grow up. First, you get a job. Suddenly you have to live by your work schedule, wake up and go to sleep according to the time-clock. But it's just a job, right? You're single, young and you are still able to do the things you want to do. Movie tonight? Sure! Just make it an early one, I have to work in the morning. "Hey, we're all going out on the boat this weekend, want to come?" Hell yes I do! And it's my day off! Woo-hoo!

Then you meet someone and get married. All the sudden you have another person to think about and consider when you want to do something. But hopefully you've married someone compatible and they want to do the same things you do. So you want to go out on the boat this weekend? That would be great, plus I have someone to smooch with, hold hands with, laugh with. But say you aren't as compatible. Say, you guys enjoy seperate things. It takes maturity and patience to learn to compromise. "I don't want to go on the boat this weekend. I want to go visit with my friends." But you do what your spouse wants to make him happy. It's ok to give up on what you want a few times. That's what being married is all about, right?

Then kids enter the picture. Suddenly, there are no boating weekends. There is no random visit with friends. Suddenly everything you wanted to do has gone completely out the window. Your sole purpose in life is to make these children happy. Made plans to visit your friend who also has kids? Great! But wait, your kid is sick and suddenly you're home ridden for the weekend. You want quiet time, laying in bed and reading the new John Grisham book? Nope, sorry! Your kids want and need attention and time outside.

Now you are stuck in a cocoon of other people's needs and you stand in the middle like a hard peach pit, divots from the arguments you've had with your spouse about compromise; divots from your kids bouncing off you a million and one because they're hungry, or thirsty, or needed a referee from fighting. You're broken and battered from pleasing everyone elses needs and all that's left is this tiny pebble of a person you once were.

What happened? You used to shine! You used to smile and laugh all the time. Now your hair is sprouting strands of grey, there are bags under your eyes and you're carrying extra pounds on your body because you know, you just gave up trying.

Is this what it's like to be an adult? I spend all day, every day trying to make everyone around me happy. And in all that time I've bent over backwards for everyone else, no one around me wants to return the favor. Now it's:

Hey, want to go out on the boat today?
No.
Why?
I don't want to. Just don't feel like it.
Why?
Why do you have to ask why? I just don't want to.
But why? I don't understand.
What is there to understand? I. Don't. Want. To. There doesn't need to be a reason why. I just don't want to.
Then what do you want to do?
I wanted to get the cars washed and do some shopping.
Why do you want to do that? Just let's go out on the boat, we never do anything together anymore.
Let me say this slowly so you understand. I... don't... want... to... go... on... the... mother-fucking boat!
But why? I don't understand! Why are you getting so mad?

You see the vicious circle? It happens all the time. The simple want to do what I want to do doesn't matter because I've spent the last 10 years doing everything for everyone else. So when I suddenly put my foot down and say no, I'm not doing what you want, they don't understand.

Initiate break down one.

Really... is this what being an adult is like? Pleasing everyone around you all the time because you know, if you don't, chaos will ensue? Because, let me tell you... when I go along with everyone else there is no fighting. There is no yelling or crying or whining. There is no "why" questions. Everyone is happy... but me.

Initiate break down two.

I've gotten to the point where I'm bitter whenever I have to give in. I'm pissed off all the fucking time. No, seriously... I am. I can not tell you a day when I haven't been pissed at something. And the shittiest part of it is that I actually feel guilty if I push for something I want. A simple morning out to get a pedicure with a friend... I felt fucking guilty for that! And there was no reason to feel guilty. No one fought me on it. No one threw a fit when I left. The kids were fed and happy when I got home. The husband was tired--but content. But I still felt guilty for taking a few hours out of my day--week, month--for myself. I'm so used to setting my wants aside that when I actually decide to do something for myself the guilt monster kicks in. How fair is that?

This is not what I pictured being an adult to be like. I didn't think it would be all sunshine and lollipops but I also didn't it would suck this hard.


How about I end this with a little irony. And some evilness... because now you won't be able to get this song out of your head too!