I have an excuse for all of it! I swear!

So, I was shopping in Wal-Mart the other day looking for school supplies and I rambled past the display of posters. I sometimes stop there to give myself a good laugh because Lord knows I need it sometimes. I giggle at the Justin Beiber posters, the Kim Kardashian posters and the three million and one Twilight posters. Ok, techinally there were 5 but still. In a rack with only 20 posters total, 5 of one specific subject is a lot. That's like... 25%, right? And another 25% for Mr. Beiber. That left room for a few clever posters that.... *sigh* why the hell am I worried about math? The point is, out of the 20 posters I found a few that humored me. And then I found the one I knew I just had to have. It spoke to me. I gave my life meaning.

I sat there for 10 minutes and read this and began to wonder... am I a zombie and I just didn't know it? I thought the term for my condition was insomnia, but this got me thinking.

Let's break this down:
You're not sure if you're dead. Um... I can feel my heart beat but sometimes I wonder. Am I alive? My range of emotion lately is pretty small. I'm tired. I'm angry. I'm angry because I'm tired.
You kind of lumber slowly. Yes, yes I do. Because I'm tired all the time. Quick movements are impossible for me these past couple of weeks.
You have a taste for brains. Well, no, not particularly. Brains don't exactly sound yummy. But I don't particularly like spicy food, does that mean I'm not Mexican? (which I totally am, by the way)
You wear raggedy clothing.... um... uh... So what if I've had the same pajama bottoms for over 10 years and so what if the waistband is completely frayed and there are holes all over them. And so what if I tried to throw them away several times but still manage to pull them out and wear them. Because they are my favorite pj bottoms. So what if it's raggedy!
You have bad hair days. Now that's not fair. Everyone has bad hair days, right? Everyone has days where no matter what you do, your hair still looks like the Hilton for rats. Big deal, everyone has bad hair days.
You don't have feelings. Despite what my husband yells at me constantly, I do have feelings. See above. I'm angry. And tired. Two feelings right there! Hmph.
You have a problem opening doors. I had a hand spasm. And I still stand by that reason.
You hate just sitting around. I'm an antsy person. I can't help it. I have to be doing something at all times. So what?
You don't care for sunlight. I've always been a night owl. I prefer the evenings. So what if I don't like going out and doing stuff during the day. So what if I'm up all night then prefer to sleep all day. That's how I've always been.
You tend to claw at things. Clawing is so much easier then grabbing. Because someone will always grab it for you. Always.
You drool a lot and you ooze things. Only drool when I sleep and when I'm on my period. Or am I on my period? Maybe I'm just... oozing...
You always know when other people are zombies. Zombies, insomniacs... same thing right? Have you ever been on twitter after 2am? It's like a club of non-sleepers. Yes we're weird but, still.. we aren't zombies. *scoff*
You can rise up, at least twice, after being shot. It was a shot to the arm. My legs were still intact. *eyeroll*
You have a habit of picking your flesh off. It was a bad sunburn. What was supposed to do? Let myself flake off all over the place?
People run from you screaming. If you had the Hilton for rats on your head, flaky skin and were wearing worn through pajama bottoms people just don't understand you and feel the need to run away. So what?
For some odd reason, you like cheerleaders. They have spirit! Yes they do!
You like to hang out with other zombies. I swear, Twitter... after 2am. It's awesome. Also, my best friend Marcy is a zombie too... er, I mean insomniac.
You like to check out campgrounds and malls. The coolest people hang out there! Hippies in campgrounds and the unphased youngsters who thing they are cooler then everyone else at the mall. What's more fun then that?
Your not phased by baseballs bats and crowbars. Batter up bitches!
You tend to stare at people. It's called people watching and everyone does it. Geez...
You don't talk much. So? I live in a house full of talkers. I can't get a fucking word in!
And you never... ever sleep. Yes. I don't sleep. I've seen the sunrise almost every day before I'm able to finally doze off. And then woken up 2--maybe 3 if I'm lucky--hours later. Sleep is for the weak right?

Or sleep is for the people who are NOT zombies. Maybe I am a zombie. I have been rambling around with bags under my eyes, rats nest on my head and moaning a lot lately. I'm on the hook to seek medical attention for the insomnia. Maybe he'll hook me up with something for the oozing, flaking and complete absense of an emotional spectrum.