About Me--the customary first post

Well, where do I start? Let's start from the beginning:

I was born in a hospital near the ocean on a warm summer night. I cried, a lot... Is that too far back?

How about: I was born, I grew. I went to school. I grew some more. Lots of post-adolesence shit happened, some good, some bad and some REALLY bad. Then, I grew some more (figuratively speaking) I got married. Had kids. That's my life in a nutshell.

I realized my life was really boring and started writing. And writing the smutty stories bouncing around in my mind wasn't enough so I started this blog. I really don't like using the word "blog" because it sounds so smug and asshole-ish "yes, I write a blog, aren't I so fucking smart!" But honestly, after reading so many people's blogs (shutter) lately I realize it's not asshole-ish at all. There are some really funny people out there! I'm not saying I'm as funny as them, but I have my moments. Of course those moments will probably only be completely received by my best friend (Hi Marcy!) but she swears the rest of you'all reading this will get it too.

If you are reading this and are still with me, please don't expect a lovey-dovey mommy blog. Yes, I'm a mommy and I will write about my kids sometimes but I guarantee you, most of it will not be lovey-dovey. I'm not a warm and fuzzy person. I'm actually a bitch. Wow... I'm a bitch. Hmph. So much has opened up to me after admitting that to myself.

What you will read about it is the shit that goes through my head. Most of it will probably be celebrity related because I have A LOT to say about the celebrity world. (see above: boring life = obsession with other people's lives). And I'm kind of a whore in the respect that I think naughty thoughts and say naughty comments about my celebrity crushes. And oh Lord, do I have a lot to say about them! But, yea, you'll hear about my kids, my husband, my dogs, my friends, my neighbors, my neighbor's dog and probably that damn dog that barks all through the day and night because someone won't let him the fuck inside because it's pouring rain and cold and he's probably hungry... Wait, where was I? Oh yea.

I can tell you are looking forward to it by the bored look on your face and the eye muscle spasm that just occured from you rolling them too hard. And I see your cursor hovering over the red X. Yes... I see you...

Scared yet? I thought so.