Random Thoughts & Music Monday

1. My last post was that of a ranting crazy person. And I apologize. But I was at the end of my rope. Regarding that, I had a long talk--and toilet training session--with my daughter the next day and things are improving. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the situation will continue to get better and then hopefully not be an issue.

2. Next week we are going on a family vacation to Disneyland. Well, Southern California to be exact. No, we are going to Disneyland... this trip was planned as a Disneyland trip. Disneyland. Disneyland. Disneyland. That's a difficult word to type over and over again. Disneyland. Anyway, I told my husband at the beginning of the year that if our tax refund was enough that I was going to take half of it and take this trip. He scoffed at the idea because he's not a big Disney person. Sometimes I question why I married him.  But he knew it was important to me and he obliged. And when we got the tax return and his time off got ok'd I booked the trip. And OH MY GOSH am I so excited!!!! The best part? We haven't told the kids. They have no idea we are going. So expect in about 2-3 weeks to see a video of them being surprised by the news. *grin*

This is when we went to Disneyland in 2009. Maybe they'll be a little more excited this time.

3. Last week I signed up for my first 5k. Holy shit, really? Yes, really. I'm doing the Shamrock Run in Portland on March 18th. It was one of my new year's resolutions and I am happy to say I'm going through with it. I've been running--at least trying to run--for the last week. I'm not doing as well as I thought I would but I'm getting there. I ran for 1 1/2 minutes straight on the treadmill this morning and nearly died. But it's better then last week when I couldn't make it a minute. I'm shooting for finishing in less then an hour. But I am intent on finishing. Go, go Shamrock runnerrs!!

Oh wait... why am I running this again?

4. Lastly, it is Music Monday. And I wanted to post about this last week but I think it was still kind of a raw and touchy subject for me. As everyone knows, we lost Whitney Houston this month. Because of the coverage and the media storm that has followed her death leads me to believe that I'm not the only person that she's effected. And I know there are millions of people my age who have the same story as me when it comes to her. She was instrumental in my childhood and young adult life. Her music could always make me smile, cry, laugh and sing with tremendous joy. My most vivid--and probably the most pivotal--memory I have in regards to her music was when I was 11 years old and my best friend Marcy, my boyfriend Bobby and I were sitting in the back of my parents truck going to a fair and we were singing "Greatest Love of All" at the top of our lungs. It's just one of those moments that will never move into the file cabinets of my memory--it stays on the top of the desk, in a frame, at all times. I still can't listen to that song without tearing up and thinking about that carefree moment in my life when I didn't care who could hear me sing I was just happy with my two best friends next to me singing Whitney Houston.

R.I.P. Whitney.

Mean Mommy, Oh How I Hate Thee

This is going to be word vomit mostly because I need to write about this and I feel absolutely horrible feeling this way. And it's about to get REAL, i.e. talk about the dirty stuff us moms have to deal with.

My daughter is 7 years old. She will be 8 in June. Most 7 year olds are mostly self-sufficient in a sense that they can dress, undress, shower, brush teeth, use the bathroom, tie shoes, amuse themselves for any amount of time, yadda yadda yadda.

My 7 year old can not.

Ok, that's not fair. She can dress, but I don't trust her to wear appropriate clothing (summer dress 2 sizes too small on a snow day was her last choice). She can undress but the clothes are still wadded up into balls making laundry so much fun! Take a shower? Yes... sort of. I still have to coach her through the hair washing part. Brush teeth: she's got that down (thankfully!). Tie her shoes: not yet but we are working on it. So many shoes now-a-days have elastic bands or zippers or are just pull ons so her shoe tieing has been delayed but it's getting better.. Amuse herself for any amount of time--she can do this but chooses not to sometimes, usually at the most inappropriate times.

So why did mean mommy emerge? She can not use the bathroom. There's no delicate way to put this so I'm just going to say the truth: She does not know how to wipe her butt.

I've been trying so hard to be patient with her, to teach her how to appropriately do this important hygenic skill and there are times she's a champ. And then she just forgets. No, seriously, that's her excuse... she forgets. How the hell do you forget to wipe your butt? Isn't that common sense?

I've tried being tough. I've tried being nice. I've tried being degrading (yes, I'm ashamed to admit), I've tried being supportive. Now I'm done and I'm totally pissed off.

Of all the things my daughter does that upset me, this is the worst and I am at my wits end. And I completely lost it tonight. What do I do to make her understand how important this is? I've followed her into the bathroom, I've talked her through the proper way to do it. But for the 7 hours she's at school it's out of my hands and that's when it's the worst. She just forgets.

After I sent her to bed this evening--which was at 7pm because I said to her that baby's don't know how to wipe so I'm giving her a baby bedtime--you'd think I burned her favorite toys in front of her. She screamed for over an hour and then after her brother went to bed, she used him as her messenger to come downstairs and tell me things she wanted/needed to tell me. I ended up yelling at my son and he was only trying to be a helpful brother!

I may need psychological help here. I may need an intervention. Someone needs to come here and explain to me and her just how to fix this situation. I don't want my daughter to be the dirty girl at school who stinks all the time. I just need to find some way to harness this anger of mine and find a way to be more productive and get positive--CLEAN--results.

I'm tired of yelling at her about it. She cowers into her room when I sort the laundry because she knows what's coming. I want... no, I NEED to find a way to nip this in the bud (or butt, so to speak!). I'm tired of mean mommy emerging because I really, really hate mean mommy.

Whew, ok. I feel better writing this all out. Not a wonderful blog post, and I'm sorry for that but I need to toss this out into the blogosphere before I completely explode!